Counselling and Psychotherapy in Oxford
Am I the right therapist for you ?
For those with previous experience of counselling or psychotherapy
I am very aware that many people are very psychologically aware these days and have experience of therapy or counselling several times in their lives. If you are interested in finding a therapist to work with over the long term I have considerable experience of engaging in long term psychological work with some people over several years and with others who return to see me more than once over a period of time for short bursts of work. Please contact me to arrange a meeting so we could discuss this further.
Looking for a counsellor for the first time?
For those of you entering the mine field of counselling and therapy for the first time, trying to find the right therapist for you, I am deeply committed to help positively with this process.
Talking to a stranger
It is such a strange and curious idea to come and talk to a stranger about ones problems, yet the strength and amount of interest and positive outcomes of the talking cures over the last 100 years is a testimony of the potential power and possibilities of real transformation and change in this approach.
"It's weak, pathetic -I’ve failed, its shameful !"
I am very aware in seeking help that there are many hurdles to overcome, practically and financially- including making space to have the time to attend the sessions and the money to pay for them. There is also a common concern that to need help is a sign of weakness, or even worse madness. But balance that with the positive experiences we have all had of talking to an expert- when seeking legal advice for example. So what is so different about seeking and getting good emotional advice ?
Linked to getting help are often a lot of different feelings,- it is very personal, it can be embarrassing, you can feel shy and the old chestnut of shame- that we have failed, not sorted out ourselves, not been like every apparently normal, happy person on our street/in our work place. These are often some of the important things to talk about at an initial meeting. I have a real respect for people’s desire to succeed and be self supporting. I also don’t find that in a respectful, reflective meeting place some professional support stops this from happening -it can in fact enable it to happen more fully and in a more satisfying way.
What I offer
Rigorous professional training in the skills of listening and interpersonal relating and comprehensive study and application of a number of relevant theoretical perspectives makes a real difference to how I listen, hear things and understand what is going on for you. Through sitting frequently with many different people I really have a good idea of what makes us tick. Experiences and your reactions to them can feel like the most strange, weird and disturbing events but there are not many experiences that I have not encountered before. I am very aware of everyone’s unique situation and also of the great similarities in our reactions to adverse, tragic, difficult experiences and common often agonising struggles people have to be themselves, face their particular demons, develop, change and transform their lives. This makes talking to me significantly different from talking to a friend.
Transforming the elephant in the room
One way of thinking about this is through the metaphor of the elephant under the carpet who everyone knows is there but is never referred to or acknowledged. People often come to see me because it is so hard to talk about a particular thing with anyone they know- this could be an experience, it could be a feeling, it could be a relationship. Just imagine what it would be like to be able to share that worry , to look at it with someone who doesn’t think you are wrong, weird, being demanding. Imagine the relief if over time with careful attention and support this became less of an elephant first within yourself then with others. I don’t expect you to believe me but a common experience of change with in counselling and therapy is that the very thing you are imagining right now which can never be dealt with, discussed, thought about, is able to be and results in quite remarkably different perspectives, understandings and feelings within oneself.
If this has struck a cord do contact me so that we can meet to talk about this further.